


A House Haunted

by TheDeadAreWalking



Series: Fictober18 [18]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-13 02:16:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16883745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeadAreWalking/pseuds/TheDeadAreWalking
Summary: A hand grabbed Nate's arm and he sighed. He looked anywhere but at the synth, "Have you ever seen a ghost?"Nick released his arm slowly, "No, I don't think I have."Nate swallowed the lump in his throat and turned to look into the detective's yellow eyes, "I have. I do."-Day 18 - "You should have seen it."





	A House Haunted

**Author's Note:**

> UGH YOU GUYS I LOVE FALLOUT SO MUCH AND IM SO HAPPY TO HAVE FINALLY WRITTWN A FIC FOR IT I HAVE A HANCOCK ONE COMINGGG

There was a disconnect between the past and himself. Nate felt as if his life was book split in two and even if he could read all the chapters they weren't connected. He felt like the writer of his story had been a maniac and halfway through the story scrapped it all and started over.

The first half of his story could have been so much. It had so many possibilities. He fought like the good soldier he was, he met Nora and fell in love with everything she, and the wonderful world he tried to protect, stood for and then Shaun. His only child was a spitting image of the love Nova and himself shared. The story was beautiful.

He would have never questioned how it ended. The war would continue on for years because some things never change. The men in power would continue to send young men to die and eventually a tentative peace would come and everyone would pretend the world was fine. Mundane life would resume and he'd begin growing old. Nora would open her own law firm and he'd stay home and raise their son. Maybe they'd have had another child, a daughter. Shaun would have spent so much of his life looking after her and protecting her. They'd all grow old and he'd die peacefully and a little overweight in his sleep.

But that didn't happen.

Whoever wrote the story of his life, the story of the world, he went insane. He got mad and tried to start it all over. Maybe he wanted to make it better but the moment Nate stepped out of the vault, completely and utterly alone, he knew. The man writing this story was a sadist, nothing good was left in this world, he was sure of it.

The second half of his book would end in sorrow and the pages would be stained in blood, his own or some else's. He doesn't know what's worse at the point. As he walked down the dirt path that led to his old home he felt his feet numbing under him. Nora was gone, Shaun had been taken, what was left in this world if people just stole children?

He had a feeling that's not the worst this barren fallout has to offer, not by a long shot.

Seeing his home destroyed and abandoned nearly crushed him. Codsworth was in the kitchen cleaning a pile of leaves that had blown through the destroyed wall and Nate learned whole lifetimes had passed while he was underground preserved, rotting away.

No one from his time was alive. Even if they'd managed to survive the fallout they'd long since died of age. Everyone but Shaun.

Nate began his journey.

But as he said, the man writing his story was a sadist. This world he was released into was cruel and harsh. Things he couldn't imagine happened daily, he'd begun doing them himself. He told himself it was in the name of good, to find Shaun, but the longer he spent in the wasteland the more often he found himself doing and exploring meaningless things instead of searching relentlessly for his son. The guilt settled deep in his bones every time he realized that the building he was in and the bodies he was looting wouldn't bring him any closer to finding his son than taking a nap would.

The people he'd met that tried to help him were wonderful, he's grateful that the world hadn't taken ever good person away but after each one offers to join in and help him along he can't do it. He doesn't have it in him to welcome anyone into his heart. No matter how much he wants to. He takes his dog and goes. This is his fight and his alone. Maybe once he has Shaun he'll come back and introduce them all.

But sometimes the truth isn't worth finding out.

Seeing Shaun was bittersweet and learning what he did, who he'd become, made him sick. He couldn't convince Shaun to stop, to free everyone he'd enslaved. He didn't see it that way, he didn't see the synths as anything more than mindless machines who sometimes malfunctioned. Nate thought of Danse and Deacon. He thought of Nick, mostly.

Nick has been a gear turning in his head since the moment they'd met. He wanted nothing more than to talk to the man, he was the only person on this planet who could understand anything about him. Nate wanted to ask his advice right now about Shaun but he wasn't here. No one was here because Nate refused everyone's help. This decision rested solely on his shoulders.

Looking at Shaun he realized that. He finally understood that this man wasn't his son. His son had died in his mother's arms. He put a bullet through the skull of the man who'd stolen his son's name.

-

With the institute under the control of the Railroad, synths roamed around and joined the rest of the wasteland community. Nate knew he was partly responsible for them and could be, should be, with Deacon working on helping lost synths find their way in this world, but he didn't.

He found himself returning night after night to Diamond City. He lied to himself and said it was because it was the closest thing to his old life that he could get. That the crowds of people, loud noise, and buildings made him feel safe but there was only one thing in the city that made him feel human and he was tucked away in a back alley. The city made him anxious now. He preferred the open wasteland to this. But one thing drew him in.

The neon glow felt like a personal greeting.

"Nate if you knock on that door instead of just coming in I'm going to throw something at you."

Opening the shack door felt like coming home or the closest thing he'd ever have to a home again. The dark shack felt warmer than the rest of the city. Maybe it was just his imagination, "Hey, Nick." Nate settled himself into the chair in front of the detective's desk and pulls a get up to rest on the chair. He thinks this is the most comfortable he'll ever be now. A small part whispers that this is the most comfortable he's ever been, "What are we working on?"

Nick shoots him a look but says nothing for a moment, "Well I was working a little more on our mysterious friend."

Nate sat up a little, "Sounds good to me. When do we leave?" They'd been trying to find and question a man, a very mysterious and friendly man who never seemed to have time to talk. Nate thinks he can understand where the man is coming from.

"I was thinking we head out in the morning, maybe work our way back to Sanctuary," Nick tapped a pencil on the desk and stared him down. Nate squirmed under the gaze. Yellow eyes seemed to search his face looking for something, "Don't take this the wrong way Nate, but why have you been avoiding the settlement."

Nate tensed. He didn't think he was avoiding it that much that anyone would notice. If Nick had noticed him avoiding Sanctuary so much, had he noticed him here just as much? He tried to stretch out his visits as long as he could making sure he visited others just as much as Nick but recently he'd been stopping in at Nick's more often than not. Nate forced out a laugh, "You're right I haven't been back much. I guess that's caused me to be breathing down your neck a lot lately," Nate stood up quickly and backed up to the door, "I'll get out of your hair, metaphorically."

"Nate, slow down that's not what I–"

"Hey," Nate said pulling the door open and stepping through, "If I see our mystery friend I'll try and let him know you're dying to really meet him."

Nate slammed the door shut and quickly jogged back into the bustling center of town. He felt his heart rate slowing down again as he walked up the stairs to leave. He'd been hoping Nick wouldn't say anything. He wanted him to just leave that stone unturned. He should have expected the detective to realize sooner or later that he was lounging in his office almost every week looking for something they could do together. That he'd been avoiding Sanctuary just as much.

He just didn't want to talk about it.

-

The day Shaun died, he removed his wedding ring. Nick had been the first to comment on it.

"I still love her, Nick," Nate had said rolling the ring in his hands, "I always will but it's different now. She's gone and I'm here and I might be for a while. When we said 'til death do us part' I always thought I'd be gone first. I love her the way you love a memory, distantly but fully."

Nick had handed him a cup of water, "There's nothing wrong with moving on or saying goodbye. I've said goodbye to so many people over the years but I still keep them here," Nick tapped on his head, "They're not gone forever."

They lapsed into a comfortably somber quiet before Nate broke it, "You should have seen it."

Nick tilted his head, "What?"

"Our wedding. It was a mess. We'd planned the whole thing down the minute but when you over plan like that if one thing goes wrong it all goes wrong. It's a wonder we made it out alive," Nate smiled at the memory and finally slipped the ring into his pocket.

"I'm glad you did, make it out alive, I mean. You're a good partner to have around."

Nate felt his heart jump.

-

Sanctuary felt like a lie. Everything he came back and saw his house standing, withered and decaying he's reminded of a chapter of his story long since overwritten. It's not a home anymore its a ghost. It haunts him.

He thinks Nick would understand. He'd rather just sit in the darkened shack with the synth and ignore the topic altogether.

He waved to the guards as he left and took a deep breath. Before everything Boston had been booming. Now just like everything else it was mangled and offputting. The journey to Sanctuary would take three days, two if he pushed it but he knows once he gets home he has nothing left to do then survive. Maybe Deacon could still use some help. Maybe he'll take his time, get home in a week.

He knows he has people in Sanctuary that look up to him but all he wants to ask them to do is tear his old house down, to build something better in its place. Maybe a detective agency. 

He makes it just out of the city when he hears someone trudging up behind him. The slight scraping sound of metal gives away their identity. Nick catches up to him and falls into step alongside him. Nate doesn't say anything because he's not sure what to say. He'd just made a fool of himself and nearly ran away from Nick like a child because he didn't want to talk about his feelings. The smoke curls around them as they walk and Nate wonders if cancer was still something he should worry about.

Almost an hour passed before Nick spoke up, "I wasn't asking you to leave." Nate just nodded. He'd figured that out but embarrassed and fear had been his driving force to get out. "I'm glad you're hanging around so much. I just wanted to know why that's all."

Nate glanced at his pip-boy and checked the time. It'll be dark soon, "We should find somewhere to stay the night." A hand grabbed Nate's arm and he sighed. He looked anywhere but at the synth, "Have you ever seen a ghost?"

Nick released his arm slowly, "No, I don't think I have."

Nate swallowed the lump in his throat and turned to look into the detective's yellow eyes, "I have. I do. Every time I got home I see ghosts. I see Nora, Shaun...myself."

"When I was first turned on do you know what happened?" Nate shook his head. He'd never really thought about it, "I cried. I cried because I didn't know what was happening or where my family was but then I figured it out. They weren't my family, they were just someone I thought I knew."

"I knew my family," Nate spits out, "They aren't just memories I had uploaded. They were real. Sometimes if I think long enough about it I can feel like, see them. But then I open my eyes and I'm back here and I feel so guilty."

Nick nodded, "Because you survived?"

Nate paused, "Because I'm not unhappy."

They didn't say anything for a while until they found somewhere to settle for the night. Nick stayed on watch while Nate pretended to sleep.

"I feel guilty that I'm happy to be alive," Nate whispered. He was glad to be facing away from the synth, "Because I feel like I'm betraying a ghost by falling in love." Nick was so silent Nate always worried he'd shut down at some point. He rolled over and say the detective watching him. The night was dark but the light from the pip-boy was enough for him to see the synth's face. He looked scared, "and I feel guilty about not being guilty."

They watched each other for a long time before Nick finally spoke, "I, I think you should get some rest. We have a lot of walking to do if we want to make it to Sanctuary by tomorrow." Nate watched him only a second more before rolling away again. He'd known Nick wouldn't return any sentient he had but it felt good to get it all out even if a small sting settled in his heart. It was better this way, to get all the cards out on the table. Nate was just about to fall asleep when he felt a metal hand hover over is head before brushing his hair, "I don't think it's a sin to move on."

-

When they arrived at Sanctuary Nate looked at his old house and that's all it was. An empty house devoid of ghosts and guilt. Cautiously Nate slipped his hand into his companions metal one and relished in the feeling of being held, "Hey, Nick, have you ever thought about opening a second agency?"

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think, I loved the shit out of writng this! please leave a comment on what you thought!


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